July 22, 2013
Dear Family,
Some
things I have been thinking through:
The
longer I find myself here the more I feel like the excitement of being here is
wearing off. I guess kind of like married people say about the first year of
marriage, the honeymoon wears off and you start being your real self. I would’t
know I am not married, I am just guessing that is what it is sort of like?
Anyways, it wears off and I find myself dealing with normal things that I
struggle with, but who had hid their faces in the wake of excitement. I become
insecure about the dumbest things, I start looking for approval from others
again, and I am disobedient to the Father. I find me telling myself and
believing lies about who I am and who God is. It is frustrating having
excitement about the Gospel and then finding your old selfish sinful self come
out and realizing that you really are a mess. But this is exactly where
discipleship happens isn’t it? In these moments I realize that I need the
Gospel preached to me, I need to hear and remember the real truth about who God
is, that He is my Father who is for me and who loves me. I need to hear what He
has done in Jesus and the fact that He has finished the work and I can now rest
in what Jesus has done. I need to hear that I am a Son of God because of Jesus
and I don’t have to work to earn that but now get to freely serve Him because
of what He has done! In this moment though I am realizing that I could never
walk and believe these truths everyday having them only preached to me once a
week or once every two weeks or once a month. No, in all reality I need the
Gospel preached to me EVERY DAY, forget that, more like multiple times
EVERYDAY. My dang old forgetful heart can’t go even a day with out needing the
Good News of what Jesus has done spoken to my heart.
I
am continually just blown away by the reality of the Gospel. The fact of who I
am, my sinful self, seems to show his ugly face day after day and I am so sick
of the selfish person I am. I find the times I recognize how much of a mess I
am just seem to make Jesus look better all the more. I feel like I get the
Gospel more when I can clearly see who I am, how dirty rotten I am, and how I
fail at doing and living rightly. Those are the moments that I go to God and
say, “I can’t do it I fail every time.” And those are the times He says, “It is
okay, Jesus did it!” Oh how I get chills even writing those words Jesus did it.
He has done it. Say it to yourself, Jesus has done it! Oh how it is so hard for
me to grasp that fact some days, that by God’s grace He has accepted me and
called me His own. Not by what I have done but SOLELY by what Jesus has done.
Good news? I think so!
THAT
is the Gospel I need preached to myself everyday!
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